Why You Know What to Do (And Still Don’t Do It)

You already know what you should do.
You understand your patterns. You can explain them clearly—sometimes better than the people around you. You’ve reflected, processed, learned the language.

And still, you get stuck.

This disconnect is one of the most frustrating experiences for thoughtful, self-aware adults. The problem isn’t ignorance. It’s not a lack of insight. It’s the quiet confusion of knowing what would help and being unable to consistently follow through on it. Over time, this gap starts to feel personal. People begin to wonder what they’re missing. Why clarity doesn’t translate into action. Why awareness hasn’t made things easier. Many quietly conclude that they must not want change badly enough even though they care deeply.

A lot of common advice unintentionally reinforces this belief. We’re told that if we really wanted something, we’d make it happen. That discipline solves inconsistency. That motivation is something we should be able to access on demand. But this way of thinking collapses under real-life conditions. Motivation is not a fixed trait. It fluctuates with stress, emotional load, energy, nervous system state, and context. When life is demanding, motivation often becomes unreliable, not because someone is lazy or resistant, but because capacity is limited.

Insight alone doesn’t solve this either. Understanding why you do something does not automatically increase your ability to do something different. In fact, insight without capacity can increase frustration. People become more aware of the gap without having the internal resources to close it. This is where many people get stuck. They’re doing the “right” things—learning, reflecting, trying to apply what they know—but the model itself is incomplete. It focuses on effort and understanding while ignoring the conditions required for change to actually occur.

When we look at change through the lens of capacity instead of willpower, the picture shifts. The question is no longer “Why can’t I just do this?” but “What is my system able to support right now?” That reframing is often the missing piece!

If you want to explore this topic more deeply, I’m teaching a live Lunch and Learn series that breaks this down across four focused sessions. You can learn more here:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/why-you-know-what-to-do-and-still-dont-do-it-tickets-1980719043980